Shopping Daze
by Ways
Summary: Sharing a body with a man who had lived and died and lived again thousands of times was no easy feat. But going shopping with him for the first time turns into an event he would never forget.


**I didn't expect to upload anything else this week, but this is an idea I had for a while and just decided to go with it. So, I hope you enjoy this.**

 **Think of this as like a RWBY chibi sketch. It's jokey and funny.**

 **Shopping Daze:**

Oscar Pine sighed as he looked at the clothing store before him.

"Really, shopping?" Oscar asked aloud.

"Of course." Ozpin answered within his mind. "You truly are a real huntsman now so of course you're going to need some new threads to go with it."

"Threads?"

"Oh, is that not what the kids are saying these days? What about duds?"

"Um… no."

"Well no matter. The point is clothes make the man and with our triumph back at Haven Academy, you're definitely deserving of some new clothes."

"If you say so…"

Quickly, they went into the clothing store and picked out a few outfits that both of them insisted on.

Soon, they were in the fitting room and began trying on outfits.

The first one was one that Ozpin insisted on. It was a dark suit with a green scarf that sat nicely around his neck along with tiny glasses that rested on his nose.

"There. Don't you look dashing, Oscar?" A triumphant Ozpin asked.

Oscar sighed. "This is just what you wore in your last life…"

"What…? Really?" Ozpin so obviously lied.

"Yes!"

"No, it isn't."

"I've seen pictures of you!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Well… how did this happen?"

"You know for someone who lies so much, you're bad at it."

"Oh fine. Let's tryone of the others."

Now Oscar was dressed in even worse farm clothes complete with overalls, a dirtied shirt and was even barefoot.

Oscar put his hands on his hips with a smile.

"Now _this_ is what I'm talking about!"

"You must be joking."

"What? This is great."

"No, it really isn't."

"Sure it is! Cousin Joseph wore this stuff all the time and he was the coolest guy back on the farm!"

"Yes, sure. But out here you look like rubbish. Please change."

"Aw… come on."

"You're barefoot. We could trip over Jaune's self-esteem and die like this."

Oscar sighed, but complied.

They tried on the next outfit and Oscar had to lift up the hole in the helmet so he could see.

"No."

"Why not, Oscar?"

"There is nothing fashionable about this."

"but I wore it all the time back in the middle ages."

"Yeah? Well no one does now."

"So?"

"So where does someone find a green suit of armor in the middle of a Hot Topic?!"

"Well…"

"Next!"

This time, Oscar had a nearly identical version of Ruby's old outfit only opting to go with long black pants instead of a skirt.

"Oh, this is pathetic." Ozpin deadpanned.

"What's wrong with this?"

"It screams desperation."

"No, it doesn't…"

"Really?"

"Sure. Ruby is just a friend who I happen to admire and wanted to show that."

"This is not the way and please, my presence makes your silly crush rather awkward and undesirable."

"You've been through your teens hundreds of times. Isn't that all weird high school romances?"

"Touché."

"Alright, what do you suppose we do then?"

"How about we pick something out we agree on and hope for the best."

"Sounds like a plan."

So the two did just that, eventually deciding on an outfit that they could both at least tolerate.

When they got to the checkout counter, the shopkeeper asked them an important question. "Do you always talk to yourself when you're changing?"

"Perfect." Ozpin practically grinned. "Tell this old hag to watch his mouth and know who he is-"

"Yeah…" Oscar sighed, cutting him off. "Sometimes I can be pretty annoying when no one asked me to speak!"

"Rude!"

"Right…" The shopkeeper nodded. "anyway, that'll be eighty Lien."

"Right…"

"I don't have any money…" He whispered.

"hm… true." Ozpin noted. "Not to worry, I have this."

"Oscar, I told you that my cane holds a special place in my heart, correct?"

"Yeah, you told Ruby that it's not a relic."

"It's even better than a relic. Please, turn the handle to the right three times, left four and right twice."

"Okay…"

Oscar did so and when he did, the glass on top of the cane popped open to which a radiant golden light streamed out, forcing everyone to cover their eyes.

When the light finally cleared and they could look again, Oscar's eyes widened in shock, surprise and delight at what he saw.

Hovering just a little bit above the exposed glass was a solid gold credit card as an angelic harmony sang from nowhere in particular thanks to the incredible musical stylings of Jeff Williams.

"Wow…" Oscar gaped.

"Mr. Pine, as my new host, I bestow upon you the single most powerful item in the world of Remnant: My credit card. It is armed with poorly misplaced trust, government funds, the Beacon Academy tuition fees and however much Ironwood thinks he donates towards the fight against Salem but is actually just my hot cocoa account. I drink a lot of expensive, exotic hot chocolate."

"It's beautiful… C-can I touch it?"

"It is yours now."

Smiling, Oscar took the card and happily swiped.

 **~Shopping Daze~**

Back at Beacon, Salem's crew was absolutely bored. Ever since the Battle of Haven Academy and the loss of the relic, they hadn't really had anything to do.

For this reason, that's how Emerald was still crying in her chair, Arthur was fiddling around with his custom scroll, Salem was glaring into her crystal ball and the rest of the guys were playing Go Fish.

"So…" Mercury asked. "Got any twos, Tyrian?"

Tyrian, who was hiding his face behind his cards slowly looked up from them revealing a great big Cheshire grin on his face. He let out a little chuckle. "Hehehe… do I have any twos? Ohohoho… Do I have any twos he asks me. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA…"

And with that, the chuckles slowly rose to cackles and then great guffaws.

"Shut up!" Mercury shouted. "We've been doing this for two hours and every single time you make any sort of play you just keep doing that! You know what, I quit! You and Hazel have fun playing!"

At that, Mercury got up and stormed off to the head of the table where Salem was still glaring angrily at the silver ball.

"Yo, what's up, Sal?"

"First, do not call me that, insect."

Mercury sheepishly held his hands up in defense.

"Second of all, I am trying to find Ozpin's crew. The Grimm between Haven and Atlas haven't spotted them yet and I am growing frustrated."

"Maybe they're on a train."

"Don't be stupid, the story's much more fun if they go on foot."

"Whatever." Mercury rolled his eyes.

He then poked the crystal ball, to which Salem hissed. "Don't touch that!"

"You got any movies on this thing? I'm think of watching The Room…"

Salem was about to snap at him only for the crystal ball to let out a loud alarm in the room.

Salem, pushed Mercury away and nearly, broke the ball getting herself up close and personal with it. "Ozpin just used his credit card! Finally! Hazel, go and get the Grimm Ozpin is-"

She looked only to see a cartoonish puff of smoke and cards scattered around the ground where he used to be.

"Yeah, he left the moment you said Oz." Mercury quipped.

 **~Shopping Daze~**

Oscar came out of the store carrying shopping bags (one of which had a few boxes of expensive chocolate, hot chocolate mix and milk curtesy of General James Ironwood), eating a triple scoop and whistling a happy tune. This was actually a pretty great day now that he had Ozpin's dirty secret money. Nothing could go wrong.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!"

He looked up from his cone only to drop it at what he saw. A mess of Grimm of ridiculous shapes and sizes stood in a circle outside of the shopping mall and sitting atop a dragon Grimm was none other than, Hazel freshly dusted and ready to be a hypocritical child murderer.

"What the fu-"

"Oh yeah… I forgot Salem had tabs on that card."

"Now you tell me?" Oscar asked as he threw aside the shopping bags and pulled out his cane.

"No worries, you're a true huntsman now. We'll take them on, together!"

And with that, Oscar ran into the fray.


End file.
